


I'm Sorry

by heroalba



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Gen, i am so sorry this is really bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 20:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3395159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heroalba/pseuds/heroalba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I’m doing-I’m doing okay, Hide," he said, trying to keep from being quiet so he could be heard, but also trying to keep from sounding like he wasn’t lying broken in a dark alleyway hiding from Doves because of another stupid, uninformed decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> you can blame the fact that episode 7 made me emotionally unstable and that there was a prompt on tumblr that i decided to write

"Hide."

The name tore from his throat violently, sounding (and feeling) like sandpaper. He felt like it wasn’t much more than a whisper, though he couldn’t tell over the roaring in his ears.

Hide heard him anyway and Kaneki could hear something rustling over the phone, the sound thick and like static.

"Kaneki? Hey man, it’s been a while. You doing okay?"

The half-ghoul almost laughed, hearing more questions in his friend’s tone. The sound bubbled in his throat and pain rippled through him.

"I’m doing-I’m doing okay, Hide," he said, trying to keep from being quiet so he could be heard, but also trying to keep from sounding like he wasn’t lying broken in a dark alleyway hiding from Doves because of another stupid, uninformed decision.  
"What about you? Is school okay?" he asked to keep Hide from doing the same, his free hand moving to press more insistently to his side. He almost dropped his phone, the resulting lance of pain blackening his vision and making him feel weak, but he stayed steady and hoped the hitch in his breath hadn’t been picked up.

He should have known better. 

Hide was quiet for a second and Kaneki mentally begged him to speak, the sunlight of his voice his last selfish request because he could feel the warmth of his body fading, he could hear his pulse getting weaker…

"It’s fine, I guess. Kind of boring."   
There was a short, strained laugh and Kaneki knew he was moving around, heard the desperation in his voice. He heard the sharp noise of a zipper being yanked up and the muffled curse Hide let out when it got stuck.

"They opened up another coffee shop on campus. They’re pretty good, too," he added, and Kaneki let himself smile through the pain. He took a deep breath, feeling his broken ribs complain, and tried to shift so he wasn’t slouched over on himself so much, biting his lip to keep any sounds at bay (for Hide’s sake, although Kaneki had no doubt he knew something was wrong because Hide never got enough credit for that).

He moved the phone back to his ear, angling the speaker so he wasn’t panting into it. There was a stretched silence and he dimly realized he must have missed something.

"Sorry, could you say that again?" he asked, and he heard a sigh.

"I thought you were good at listening, you goof," he chastised, his voice suddenly gentle. "I asked if you wanted to meet me at that coffee shop sometime, to catch up."

He paused at that, feeling tears well in his eyes. Hide had been waiting for him for so long. He wanted to see him, and a childish part of him wanted him to hold him. Guilt welled in his heart and the colors of the bricks in front of his blurred together.  
 His fingertips dug into his wound harder, trying to jerk him back to reality. He squeezed his eyes shut and felt his tears fall.   
Blood filled his mouth and the thought absently ran through his head that he might be able to save himself if he-

He swallowed thickly and Hide made an impatient noise on the other side of the line. Kaneki imagined him, harried and energetic as ever, frustrated that Kaneki was putting a pause in his life again, and chuckled, salt gargling in his throat.

"You gonna answer me?" 

"Yeah. Sorry," he breathed, and scrambled for an answer.

"Hide-"  
"Before you say you’re too busy, we can go whenever you want. It doesn’t have to be today. I mean that would be preferable."

His throat tightened up and he reached up to press his hand (it felt like ice) against his lips. Blood smeared over his face and his kakugan pulsed maddeningly (demanding  _food,_  food to replenish him and  _heal him_  and  _fix him_  so he could  _ **live**_ ). He swallowed down the urge to take his own fingers (Yamori’s face was vibrant in his mind; the fact that he was a monster wasn’t far behind) and laughed, the sound watery and weak.

Still thinking of him even after-

"M-maybe, then," he conceded, and he heard Hide mirror his laugh. It didn’t sound right but it was close enough, the warmth of his voice easing the throbbing hurt like balm being soothed over his wounds.

"It’s a date then! Man, I have so much stuff to talk to you about! And I need your help in Japanese Lit. again, it’s kicking my ass! There’s this paper I have to write and…"

Kaneki felt like suddenly Hide was growing distant, his voice starting to fade. Panic exploded briefly in his chest before being scuffed out. He felt the phone shaking against his ear but he couldn’t feel his fingers anymore. The blood was drying sticky and cloying on his face.

He realized it (his time was up) with a mild flutter of his eyes (his vision was so dark, it was like looking at the world through sunglasses even though the sun was still high in the sky) and failed to keep a little sob contained in his throat.

Hide’s voice came surging back, immediately off-track and tight with worry.

"Kaneki? Where are you? Are you okay?"

He laughed and this time it was more genuine, peppered with pauses and muted sobs.

"I’m okay Hide. I’m okay. T-tell me more about that coffee shop? If you’re free I can try to make it tonight," 

The lies spewed from his lips like venom but he couldn’t help it, he just (selfishly, so selfishly) wanted to… He wanted to…

"Kaneki?"

His vision went fuzzy and the blood on his face didn’t itch like it had a few moments before.

"Kaneki? Kaneki can you hear me?"  
Hide sounded winded. Like he was running.

He breathed out deeply, tilting his head just as his hand fell so he could cradle the phone against his shoulder. He tried to funnel his strength back into his arms, but the effort was too much. He heard Hide’s voice growing frantic. He had to comfort him.

"I’m here, Hide," he said, but it didn’t feel like he spoke.

"Kaneki? Are you okay?"

_Yeah I’m okay._  
"I don’t know."

His heartbeat (so slow) thudded hollow in his ears for a long second.

_I love you. Thank you._  
"I’m sorry."

"What are you apologizing for you idiot?"

Silence hung ominously between them.

"Kaneki?  _Kaneki?_ You there?”

The quiet was so much that Hide couldn’t hear anything over his own labored breath. He slowed down and just listened, ignoring the fact that his hands were shaking.

He waited what felt like years, time moving sluggishly on around him while he stood in the middle of the street waiting on his friend to give him a fucking answer because he was so scared-

Hide’s heart picked up again when he heard voices, faint and tinny. They got closer and closer, and his stomach sank lower and lower and lower-

"Here he is. Surprised he made it this far," some man said. Hide faintly recognized it and his teeth ground together sharply. 

The sound of rustling fabric made it over the line and Hide hoped it was Kaneki, hoped he was running and okay. 

_**Crack-** _

Hide jerked the phone away from his ear at the sudden sound, feeling his pulse thudding harsh in his chest.

"What was that?" someone asked dimly.

"Just a phone. It’s harmless."

A light scuff as plastic dragged pavement, and a tinny laugh.

"That’s weird, it’s still on…"

Then a beep and Hide wanted to scream.

The line went dead.


End file.
